Parenting OC August 2009 : Page 16

ask theexperts Wrong Roomfor Internet A Q Pre-Teen & Teen My 13-year old says that he needs his own computer (with Internet access of course) for the upcoming school year and wants to have it in his room like many of his friends do. I am uncomfortable with this. Am I being too paranoid? No! You are right to not feel comfortable letting your child have a computer with access to the Internet in his room. It is very dangerous and may pose serious risks not only to him but also to your family. In a recent study by security technology company McAffee, 80% of parents said that they don't turn on their parental control software and 30% of parents said they leave their children alone in their bedrooms to surf the net. More shocking is the finding that 26% of all 5 to 7-year-olds have a comput- er in their bedroom! (www.mcaffee.com). Two questions beg to be answered. Why would you allow a very young child to have unrestricted access to the Internet at all hours of the day and night? Other than giving parents a false sense of security, what good is parental control software if it is not enabled? You wouldn’t leave your front door open at night, or send your 7- year-old on a trip around the world alone, so why would you leave the virtual door open into your child's room inviting strangers and inappro- priate content into your home? Purchasing parental control software is the first step in keeping Safety, Exercise, Libido and the Upcoming Flu Season your family safe from cyber predators, bullies and from developing dangerous addictions to things such as gaming, gambling or pornogra- phy; but knowing how to use the software and developing strict rules around Internet use are the real keys to a safe home. Consider the following suggestions: 1. Make your family computer a laptop so that it can be turned off and hidden at night. 2. Install Internet filtering and parental control software and know how to use it! 3. Make computer time like television or gaming time, with limits and restrictions. 4. Make sure you are in the same room as your child while he is surfing the net, letting him know that you can look over his shoulder at any time. The most influential step however, in protecting your children is to have frequent conversations with your child about the power of the Internet, both good and bad, and about what other kids are doing online (as kids are more likely to give information about what other kids are doing). The most disturbing finding in the recent McAffee study is that nearly two thirds of parents said they had not raised the issue of Internet safety with their children. Maybe you don’t know much about the Internet and don’t want to seem uneducated, maybe you don’t real- ly want to know what’s going on with your child, or maybe you are unaware of the dangers lurking in cyber space…whatever the reason, don’t delay! Educate yourself and start the conversation with your child today! The virtual world is not for a child to explore alone! They will thank you later for protecting them. —Karen Child Ogden, LMFT Get HimFit, Get HimMoving Grade School Q A Karen Child Ogden, LMFT, has a practice in Costa Mesa and is co- creator of the Temptation Series books. www.temptationseries.com Elaine Gjonovich is a medical exer- cise specialist and certified person- al trainer. She is also the founder of the Outdoor Fitness Adventure Club. www.outdoorfitnessonline.org 16 Parenting OC Magazine | August 2009 Some video games offer exercise through movement and recent studies reveal “active” video gaming requires more than two times as much energy as traditional “sedentary” video gaming. Several of these games raised children’s How can I motivate my 9-year-old son to exercise? He doesn’t like team sports and prefers the video games to riding his bike or swimming in our pool. Our Experts on Cyber Todd Creager is a Huntington Beach-based marriage and sex therapist. His newly released book is titled “The Long, Hot Marriage.” www.toddcreager.com Greg Collins is a Pharmacy Supervisor at CVS pharmacy in Palm Springs. He enjoys spending time with his wife and three children. www.ParentingOC.com

Ask The Experts

Wrong Room for Internet

My 13-year old says that he needs his own computer (with Internet access of course) for the upcoming school year and wants to have it in his room like many of his friends do. I am uncomfortable with this. Am I being too paranoid?

No! You are right to not feel comfortable letting your child have a computer with access to the Internet in his room. It is very dangerous and may pose serious risks not only to him but also to your family. In a recent study by security technology company McAffee, 80% of parents said that they don't turn on their parental control software and 30% of parents said they leave their children alone in their bedrooms to surf the net. More shocking is the finding that 26% of all 5 to 7-year-olds have a computer in their bedroom! (www.mcaffee.com).

Two questions beg to be answered. Why would you allow a very young child to have unrestricted access to the Internet at all hours of the day and night? Other than giving parents a false sense of security, what good is parental control software if it is not enabled?

You wouldn’t leave your front door open at night, or send your 7- year-old on a trip around the world alone, so why would you leave the virtual door open into your child's room inviting strangers and inappropriate content into your home?

Purchasing parental control software is the first step in keeping your family safe from cyber predators, bullies and from developing dangerous addictions to things such as gaming, gambling or pornography; but knowing how to use the software and developing strict rules around Internet use are the real keys to a safe home.

Consider the following suggestions:

1. Make your family computer a laptop so that it can be turned off and hidden at night.

2. Install Internet filtering and parental control software and know how to use it!

3. Make computer time like television or gaming time, with limits and restrictions.

4. Make sure you are in the same room as your child while he is surfing the net, letting him know that you can look over his shoulder at any time.

The most influential step however, in protecting your children is to have frequent conversations with your child about the power of the Internet, both good and bad, and about what other kids are doing online (as kids are more likely to give information about what other kids are doing).

The most disturbing finding in the recent McAffee study is that nearly two thirds of parents said they had not raised the issue of Internet safety with their children. Maybe you don’t know much about the Internet and don’t want to seem uneducated, maybe you don’t really want to know what’s going on with your child, or maybe you are unaware of the dangers lurking in cyber space…whatever the reason, don’t delay! Educate yourself and start the conversation with your child today!

The virtual world is not for a child to explore alone! They will thank you later for protecting them.

—Karen Child Ogden, LMFT

Get Him Fit, Get Him Moving

How can I motivate my 9-year-old son to exercise? He doesn’t like team sports and prefers the video games to riding his bike or swimming in our pool.

Some video games offer exercise through movement and recent studies reveal “active” video gaming requires more than two times as much energy as traditional “sedentary” video gaming. Several of these games raised children’s activity levels enough to meet health guidelines for a moderate-intensity activity, according to the Netherlands study. However, do not rely on video games alone to get the job done. Interaction with other individuals play an important role in exercise motivation.

Have Fun! Ask yourself this question: What does my son enjoy? If he is an artist, suggest a long, brisk walk on the beach collecting shells to create a collage. Don’t mention exercise, but stay moving collecting only the best shells. By the time the bucket is full (60-minutes) he will have burned 100 calories.

Is he a music lover? Involving him in music lessons will encourage extra calories burned. One hour of drumming burns 132 calories for an average 9-year old, and he will recruit muscles in his upper body and core.

Old fashion “hide & seek”, “red rover, red rover” and other neighborhood games keep kids moving, having fun and staying connected to other kids.

Consistency Once you and he establish an enjoyable activity, stay consistent. Thirty to sixty-minutes of “movement” three times per week is a good starting point. Making a routine out of the activity will ensure security, lack of boredom and a healthier child.

Encouragement Encouraging your child in his activity through positive language will affirm his choices.

Example 1: “Those are cool looking shells, I like the way you know what you are looking for.”

Positive Result: Encourages positive feelings about activity and motivation to keep moving.

Example 2: “I like the way you put so much energy in practicing your drum.”

Positive Result: Encourages longer practice sessions and confidence in his activity of choice.

—Elaine Gjonovich, MES, CPT-ACE

His Libido Lost? Don’t Give Up

I am a 40-something woman who has been married for over 20 years and, despite my advances, has not had sex with my husband more than twice in over 10 years, or maybe longer. We love each other, have brought up a daughter together, and can be intimate, but I want to feel desired by a man, and I want a lover. Since my husband is not interested in me, what do you suggest? I am ready to leave the marriage over this.

There are many possible factors that can contribute to lower libido, and depending on which factors there are, different solutions could be applied. Sometimes, as a man ages, he may need more stimulation than before to get aroused. For example, some men need more than visual stimulation; they may need some auditory or kinesthetic stimulation as well.

If medication is the problem, doctors can often experiment with different medications that have less sexual side effects. If there has been some loss in your husband’s life, some individual therapy to work though his feelings can help. Sometimes a sudden change in libido may be due to some unexpressed feelings he has towards you. In that case, short-term couples therapy could help greatly. Sometimes, though not as often, the husband may have a secret he is keeping from you.

If the problem has actually been more of a relationship-long pattern that you have become more intolerant of, or that has increasingly become worse as time has gone on, it could be more challenging. However, even in these cases, it makes far greater sense to get some couples/sex therapy than give up on the relationship.

Some men in these cases have had strong, overbearing and/or needy mothers growing up. The man can often unconsciously project these traits onto his wife. If this is the case, he will be more interested in prohealth tecting himself from being dominated or controlled than to merge sexually. It is as if he is protecting his own individuality and that becomes the primary desire that trumps any sexual feelings.

Another way to look at longer-term sexual problems is that some marriages fall into parent-child patterns where one person feels more like the parent and the other feels more like the child. Partners who feel like the parent say they feel like they have an additional child to take care of. Partners who feel like the child say that their partner is nagging, restricting or telling them what to do.

In these longer term situations, couples therapy can sometimes correct these patterns based on faulty perceptions, help partners take back projections and begin to see each other in a fresh new way that may lead to a reemergence of sexuality that they may have experienced very early in their relationship. Get some help. Until then, it is too early to give up.

—Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Getting Flu-Ready

My daughter starts kindergarten in a few weeks and I hear that classrooms are where most flu bugs get spread from family to family. I’ve also heard the Swine Flu will make this upcoming season the worst flu season in years. So what can I do now to prevent our family from being hit with the flu when school starts?

As parents, the health of our families, especially our children, is a concern that drives our decision-making every day. Our children are naturally attracted to anything fun, whether playing with toys, making a mess in the mud, or wearing their food, rather than eating it. They enjoy these activities even more when other children are around. Unfortunately, many of these activities may result in the spread of bacteria or viruses from other children or contaminated surfaces.

School brings many new opportunities, as well as new exposure to germs. Children share many items in the classroom, such as crayons, markers, or scissors, that are used everyday in their learning experiences. These tools are potential sources of bacteria or viruses that could possibly lead to infections. Our kids are also exposed to other children who may be sneezing, coughing, or have a runny nose, thereby exposing them to bacteria or viruses that could cause infection. In the pharmacy business, it is not uncommon to see an increase in prescriptions for our pediatric patients soon after school begins.

Thankfully, there are some very simple steps you can take to keep your child healthier. The first and most important is to get your children in the habit of washing their hands frequently. This should be a practice you start at home, and it is important that you lead by example.
Secondly, teach your child to cover a cough or sneeze with her arm rather than her hands. When children cough or sneeze into their hands, they could potentially spread these germs to every surface they touch. Another great practice is to cough or sneeze into a tissue and discard the tissue after use. Lastly, your child’s nutrition and rest are very important in keeping her immune system strong and able to fight off infection.

As kindergarten begins, consider whether or not your medicine cab-ate inet is appropriately stocked with medications and products you may need. You should have first aid products, fever reducers such as Tylenol or Motrin/Advil, a nasal saline spray for nasal congestion, and especially a thermometer. Additionally, you should review the items in your medicine cabinet at least yearly and remove and discard any product that is beyond the expiration date.

With the approach of flu season, remember that a flu shot is the best way to protect yourself. In addition to traditional seasonal flu, this year the Swine Flu (H1N1) is of particular concern. It is the first flu in some time that has reached a pandemic status across the globe. Although we cannot fully predict the impact this flu will have during the 2009-2010 flu season, it is important to keep yourself informed on the development of the H1N1 vaccine and work with your pediatrician to determine if your child is a candidate for the vaccine. Remember, as with many new vaccines, it may require a total of two doses for your child to be fully protected. The CDC is a great resource of information: http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/.

If your child puts all of these steps into action, he or she will have mastered the art of prevention when it comes to colds and flu.

—Greg Collins, R.Ph.

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