Diablo Magazine May 2013 : Page 26
Parenting is a minefield. Deriding other students and publicly breaking up with your “boyfriend” (a boyfriend at age 11?) earn you social cred at this school. In her entertainment-driven world of Instagram and text messaging, inappropriate messages land frequently in the inbox of her phone. Principals and teachers talk “zero tolerance” for bullying, but really, they are powerless. The problem starts at home. Kindness and respect have taken a backseat to a new value: success at all cost. Today’s parents push harder than ever, and kids are more overwhelmed and confused. In this culture, a culture of aggression, meanness is acceptable, even endorsed. Some parents see the ruthless behavior of their kids and say with a shrug, “Kids will be kids.” What they don’t realize is that this behavior hurts their children, too. In our so-called safe suburban neighbor-hood along the 680 corridor, my daughters are not the only ones growing up. Every day, I am learning, too. Learning to be a more loving mother and daughter. A kinder woman and friend. A better neighbor. I am learning to listen quietly as I navigate the stormy waters of entitled suburban moms. I am learning to laugh at myself instead of laughing at others. I work hard to make sure my younger daughter realizes the impact of her actions and words. She is getting it. “Why do other moms let their kids send this mean stuff?” she asks, as she scans her text messages. I smile when I hear this. I don’t want her to wake up one day, as I did, and realize she has hurt others. I still wonder about the heartbreak I must have caused a quiet girl named Laurel. And the humiliation I meted out even to my own best friend, Candace. My older daughter is at a new school now, a place where respect and kindness are part of the curriculum. Where being smart is cool. Where cheerleader dramas are not. She has real BFFs now. Mean girls can’t touch her anymore. She is free. And after watching with my heart in a vice for too long, I am a mean girl no longer. While my sharp-tongued daughter has been my mirror, my thoughtful daughter has shown me, firsthand, the importance of kindness. Mom, maybe you were right. Raising boys might have been easier. But from my daughters, I’ve learned so much. ■ 26 MAy 2013
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